With mixed feelings and trepidation I rose from my bed the early hours of the morning. I had to get up at stupid o’clock so I could have a light breakfast. To me 7am is stupid O’clock but In the rest of the world this is quite an acceptable time, but I wonder if the rest of the world have difficulty sleeping due to pain and are still awake at 2am. That is one of the little adjustments both myself and my husband have had to make for the illnesses that have consumed me. I notice the feeling of butterflies in my stomach as I contemplate the day ahead. We have to be at the hospital by noon and I was allowed a light breakfast before 7.30am and clear fluids up until 11am. We left for the hospital at 11am and realised I had forgotten my phone and needed to go back for it, and then the strap on my sandals broke which was a bit inconvenient but was just the start to a very long day. We arrived in good time and joined lots of other patients waiting for their day procedure. There must have been fifteen or more of us just sitting with magazines, newspapers, kindles and phones patiently waiting to be called for assessment. One by one the names were called and each person disappeared around the corner to emerge fifteen minutes later wearing fetching bottle green stockings and wrist bands. Everyone seemed to have been called through but I was still waiting, had they forgotten me? Then slowly people were called to see the consultant, then off some went to have their operations and I was still waiting for my fetching stockings. I was feeling quite anxious and unsure of what was going on so my husband Paul asked a nurse why I had not been assessed. The nurse said they were very busy in a “don’t bother me” grumpy manner, so he came and sat back down. Then a consultant called me through, to a small room, she ran through all the things she had planned. “I will be fitting a coil, performing a Hysteroscopy, cervical smear and biopsy” I nodded, just so thankful that I was actually seeing someone after hours of waiting. There are risks to these procedures she continued, the list was daunting. I could perforate your bladder and you could wake with a catheter which would probably be in for about 10 days as it often repairs itself! Your bowel or womb could be perforated and you could need another operation and blood transfusion. You will need blood thinners as your not very active and a suppository up your bottom. OK!! but then she done something I would not expect from a consultant and it did not instill much confidence, she leant over to the desk and said “Touch wood” She smiled and said “Oh it’s not made of wood but it should be fine” I asked my questions and was informed I should get a letter in a couple of weeks with the results and if I didn’t then to call the hospital. Then back to waiting! I was called back to the tiny room by the anesthetist and asked more questions about previous operations and any side effects and was told that I could wake with a sore throat and damage to my teeth or mouth. We were allowed to stay in the small room and wait. As we sat waiting our attention was drawn to the radio playing ” Show me Heaven” in the background, this experience seemed a bit like something out of a sitcom! The nurse eventually came in and checked my blood pressure and heart and I got the obligatory stocking fashion wear and bracelets, the nurse also left my notes on the table which I so wanted to read but being so close to the nurses station I was worried I would be caught and in trouble with the already aggravated overworked nurses. By 4pm I was starting to feel unwell, the fatigue from the M.E was overwhelming, I had a headache, felt shaky and my panic disorders were in overdrive. Paul asked for a pillow so I could lay down on the very narrow cold stiff examining bed. Then it happened, they were eventually ready for me, I had to change into the gown and remove all of my underclothes. As we left the small room we noticed the silence and lack of people in the holding area, I was indeed the last one standing! I was feeling too unwell to walk and needed my wheelchair to get to the theatre reception. Paul wheeled me to the door and a kindly nurse took me through. The room was filled with people recovering from operations some sleeping, and many being monitored by medical staff. I felt anxious as not only do I have fatiguing and pain illnesses I also suffer from agoraphobia, G.A.D, Panic disorder and PTSD. I was totally dependent on my husband and I have not left the house along for over 10 years so found myself in a vulnerable anxious state. I tried to breathe deeply and tell myself that It won’t be long then I would go through. Again time slowly ticked by, I watched the clock on the wall next to my bed minute by minute and still nobody came for me. The panic started to win so I drew the curtain around me to shut away all the things going on. The nurse at the station noticed that I had closed my curtains and came over to see if I was ok. The kindness of the nurse made me lose my cool and I started to blubber, I was so anxious, scared tired, hungry and shaky and was without my comforting husband. The nurse realised my distress and send somebody to find my husband to sit with me. In my upset state I questioned why I was left until last as they had been informed about my medical conditions. I needed the bathroom yet again and had to go all the way back to the holding area as this was the only bathroom and I seriously considered just leaving and going home, in the gown naked underneath but we had left our bags in the theatre reception so had to return. Eventually at 5pm a lady in purple scrubs came to fetch me, we passed a nurse on route who I know from my church who said some kind words but by this time I was so distraught that I just could not stop the tears from flowing. I was taken through to the knocking out room and a nice friendly anesthetist let me have some gas and air to calm me down. This I must say was amazing, as I took deep breaths I went further and further into an amazing hallucination. I was in a beautiful green field, it was sunny and warm a perfect day, I briefly opened my eyes and was astonished to see the doors to the operating theatre, I did expect to be surrounded by the beautiful field I had seen in my hallucination. I remember holding my hand out, I wanted to hold Jesus’s hand but to my dismay I was left hanging. This concerned me being a Christian and I questioned God about this and woke with a Scripture verse in my head. Psalm 46 God is with us. So he was with me, I had not been abandoned He was with me all along. My daughters thought that as the view was so beautiful that if Jesus had taken me by the hand I might have thought I was actually going to heaven. That’s the last I remembered until I was back in the theatre reception surrounded by many recovering patients. I was much longer than had been anticipated as there was complications and they could not do what had been planned. Firstly they could not fit the coil as my womb was too big, they could not complete the Hysteroscopy due to the position of the Fibroids and as they could not complete the Hysteroscopy they could not do the biopsy and instead done a D&C. My husband was worried and made such a fuss that they released me from the theatre reception and as I was doing well, managed to eat, drink and wee I was released fairly quickly. The nurse showed me pictures of the procedure, which I don’t know if she was suppose to. I am not sure what the pictures are of but I quickly snapped a copy on my phone. I wondered if they were my womb, cervix or my Fibroids and what are the brown marks? are they normal or something to worry about? Just shows that a little bit of information can be a dangerous thing. They have also changed my plan from a letter in the post to another appointment to discuss options and I had some of the findings on the discharge note.
Please see attached copy of photo’s and discharge note.